Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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