Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
