Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
