Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
so let's talk penis.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
