i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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