i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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