Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
