checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
