Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
