i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
sex in a hospital.. check
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
