So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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