Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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