toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
