He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
