if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
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