I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
