So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
nutella sex= disaster
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
