Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
