I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
