she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
