i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
