forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
