do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
