We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
