the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
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Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
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you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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