Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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