Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
