Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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