I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize