my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
