Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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