Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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