My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
