Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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