the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
