Say something about gay babies.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Randomize
