Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
She's like a pop up book from hell.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
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