Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize