Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
