I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
When are your genitals available?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
