do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
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Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
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Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You were trust falling into bushes
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