I just threw up on my dentist
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
