Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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