So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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