and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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