Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
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