I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
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sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
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official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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