apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
