She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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