porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
