I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
