People with herpes should wear stickers.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
