Yo dont text me then not text me
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
