I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
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