I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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