it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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