If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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