I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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