So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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