My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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