remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Life is so much better after having sex.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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