I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
