you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
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I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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