Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Randomize
