I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
nutella sex= disaster
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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