It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
