Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
